The word for today was surrender.
Earlier in the day as I was driving to the clinic after my lunch meeting, I was thinking that maybe giving up was the right word. Giving up on the hopes of a job I wasn’t sure of, giving up my Parisian wishes, giving up on the research I really, really don’t wanna do, giving up on the Philippines and just packing up and finally going abroad, giving up on the familiar comforts of home….just giving up.
Then during yoga class (yes, once again the Universe sends me an answer while I’m in yoga class), it dawned on me that giving up isn’t an option. Never was, never will be.
Surrender, however, is.
I guess that’s why people call it “sweet surrender”, right? Because somehow despite the discomfort, uncertainty, and even pain that surrendering may bring, there is indeed something sweet somewhere ’round the corner. It reminded me of something I said last night to one of my oldest and dearest friends…I said sometimes it’s best to just sit there and surrender to the reality of things, not blindly accepting it in defeat, but knowing that by surrendering, things may just begin to become more clear. I went on to tell her too that it doesn’t mean being a passive audience in the things that unfold, but being open enough to allow yourself to accommodate and adapt to what is. After all, that’s what life is all about in the end…survival of the fittest. And I have come to realize that the fittest is not necessarily the one who fights longest or has the best arsenal, but is the one who can finally take a step back and say “I’m tired” or “I need to take pause”. They’re the one’s too who are wise enough to know when to move forward, when to take a step back or when to stay in place.
And so I will surrender…not give up, but surrender the struggle, surrender the pressure, surrender the pain and open up to grace.
Tonight I am grateful
♥ for progress that comes in baby steps in my asanas…just a few more breaths away from that headstand I tell ya, just a few more
♥ to have been honest enough with myself to give in to my present emotion, even though it meant opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable
♥ to still want things, to feel pleasure and be able to smile despite hurt, anxiety and stress
♥ to still believe in dreams, no matter how jaded or disappointed I have become. yes, I am not giving up on them. I am just surrendering to what may be.
♥ to be able to say I surrender.