Today a song was playing in my head. It goes
Somewhere beyond the sea
somewhere waiting for me
my lover stands on golden sands
and watches the ships that go sailin’
Somewhere beyond the sea
she’s there watching for me
If I could fly like birds on high
then straight to her arms
I’d go sailin’
It’s far beyond the stars
it’s near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
my heart will lead me there soon
I don’t know why but it just kept playing and playing all day long. Then I got to thinking (and this is always what gets me in trouble, haha) that maybe this is why I love the sea so much. It’s the place where I know my heart lies and my soul is whole.
And so that lover standing on golden sands is not someone else, but the me I often try to hide from the big, crazy world out there that spins too fast for my liking….the world where I find myself lost and confused, no longer knowing what or who to believe in. And I miss her oh so very, very much today. I miss knowing who I am. I miss knowing I am enough. I miss knowing I am okay, even if, despite of, and in spite of the craziness around me. I feel lost.
Today a wise woman, dare I say a wise friend, told me that I must remember to get in touch with that part of me and allow that inner self fill my longing heart with love and comfort, and so as I tried to reflect on her words, I thought of the place that really allowed me to get in touch with my soul, and realized that perhaps that’s why I find so much comfort in the sea. In the sea, I find me.
In search of the right words to explain why I find such comfort, I came across a quote by one of my favorite poets, Rainer Maria Rilke that goes:
That’s exactly what the sea is for me….a place where everything that leaves me
bewildered and confused goes away and is settled. It is where all the noise of the world is shut off and quieted, leaving me to feel what is essential and real. As I said, it is where I find “me”.
Though I may not find myself by the sea tonight, or any time soon for that matter, I have that lover waiting by the sea and soon, without a doubt, my heart will lead me there soon.
And so I end today with a more quiet and content heart, still filled with gratitude despite of all the confusion it has found itself in lately.
I am grateful for
♥ words of wisdom and the hard cold truth, even if it can take my breath away at the moment I hear it
♥ the comfort of afternoon naps
♥ the enjoyment I get from teaching my clinpsy classes, even though today’s lecture was more difficult than usual
♥ the joy my boys bring me
♥ the little things, like the Monster’s Riot and the Morning Rush, the thank you’s and how are you’s, and the bright rays of sunshine that warmed me today and brought a smile to my face.