Today’s random snapshot… 
Saw this at one of my new favorite restaurants in the city and it reminded me that despite everything I have been through lately, something good always happens.
Something Good Always Happens…
March 28th, 2012 Posted in Random Snapshots
Day 7: My Worst Habit
December 8th, 2011 Posted in Gratitude Journal, Life Lessons, Project 365, Quote for the Day, Random Snapshots
Hmmmm…..this is an interesting question to answer. Lemme seee…..for one when I’m stressed I bite my nails. Another is that I tend to get all road rage-y in traffic, and when I get bored because of it, I text…or check my Facebook. I guess you could also say I often take out my feelings on the wrong person/people, and I’m quite hard to understand (in fact, I have come to the realization that maybe it isn’t relationships that are complicated, maybe it’s just me….but that’s another blog post altogether).
Tonight, however, I have come to realize that my worst habit is not being able to let go. What was that Dr. Teddy Altman said in Grey’s Anatomy, ” I’m not GI Jane, I’m attachment Barbie”.
Over dinner I was telling my friends how I tend to hold on to the familiar and perhaps more than just hold on, I cling to those who show me kindness and to memories of times of pure joy and happiness. I get attached. Too much at times. All too often, to be honest. Perhaps it’s because I’m afraid to not only lose them, but that maybe I won’t ever find my way back there. Maybe it’s also because of deeply rooted habits and patterns that I often become unaware of. Like I said, it’s the worst habit.
As always my yoga classes seem so timely because tonight was all about opening up and letting go. Releasing what we have learned and allowing for a new exploration, a new approach into something known. I guess in a way I realized that who we are and the issues and complications we come with, the scars of the past and all, they’ll all still be there no matter what, but one can always find a new way of looking at it and making it work. They’ll never really go away, I guess, no matter how hard I try because there will always be little triggers that will push those buttons. What can go away, however, is the power it has over me.
And so tonight I was made aware of how I must consciously make an effort to break that bad habit of mine. During yoga class my teacher reminded to flip over my hands, open them up to the sky, not just to let go and release, but to also receive for only then can you really be able to give.
As I open up and let go tonight, I end the day with a grateful heart, a full one at that
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse
i am grateful too
♥ for wonderful times spent not just on my mat, but in that place i call my home away from home
♥ for an equally wonderful dinner with friends after class
♥ that the term is over! yeeeey!!!
♥ that my eye feels much better
♥ for those little moments in the day when my heart doesn’t hurt so bad and things feel normal again.
gnyt
240/365
Day 3: A Photo of You 10 Years Ago
December 4th, 2011 Posted in Random Snapshots
EEEEEEWWWW….
That’s all I can say. Hehe.
Although I completed my degree in 2000, I was only able to march during the 2001 graduation rites, since I finished during the summer. In UP graduation rites are just once a year and I missed it by that one summer…all because of math! Har.
So there…10 years ago. EEEEEW
Day 3 of the 30 day challenge (a day late admittedly )
This is my last 30 day challenge for the year and I’m so excited for it. Thanks to SuperKitty Trixie for the idea
Anyway, here’s the first installment….as always I have trouble trimming down so I will post three. Har.
Four hundred years ago, another English guy had an opinion on being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course it was fancier when he said it. No man is an island entire onto himself. Boil down that island talk and he just means that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have four legs. Someone to play with, or run around with, or just hang out - Grey's Anatomy
This is one of the few very great photos I have of my two boys and looking at it always, always makes me smile. Sure they drive me nuts at times, but they bring me so much joy as well
I think you can't wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life... I think you have to save yourself. - Grey's Anatomy
The second photo that always makes me soooo very happy is this. It was taken at such a beautiful place by a dear friend of mine and vain as this may sound, it really is one of my prettiest pictures ever. Even if I am not looking up, I feel the joy that was in my heart at that time. However, what really makes me happy about this picture is the fact that I can always look back at that time in my life and know that it was the time when I can say I really started to get to know myself better and the me who became confident in her self and willingness to take risks came out.
my hero
The last photo that makes me happy always is this. I think this is the only photo I have left of me and my lolo, and well, that should be enough said
Till tomorrow
In yoga my teachers always talk about opposing energies, one rising, one rooting. It’s these opposing energies that allow us to reach the full expression of the pose while keeping integrity to the asana. They further say that to rise, one must soften and fall to the earth, thus allowing for the rooting to occur. Over time I have come to realize that once again, this idea is not limited to life on the mat, but off the mat as well.
That notion lead me to thinking that maybe living a full and balanced life is much like learning to fly a kite. It’s allowing for that good balance between freedom and exploration to reach your dreams and yet remaining grounded and rooted to something, or to what is essential or real for that matter. To soar and keep afloat, therefore, is a delicate balance between letting go and holding on. It’s perhaps, as a friend of mine put it, holding on by a thread. Or maybe perhaps to a string, but not really clutching or tugging too tightly to a rope nor is it anchoring it down with a chain. To keep that kite up, one must allow for the wind to take it where it blows, going against it from time to time, and gently riding it out, which can only be done by giving the kite strings some lead or space to move about, and yet it is not left too loose or else it will tumble around end eventually crash and burn.
A balance of letting go and holding on, so to speak. As William Boetcker put it, you can’t fly a kite unless you go against the wind and have a weight to keep it from turning a somersault.
Yesterday I found myself face to face with these opposing energies, one threatening to drag me down, another ready to sweep me away. Ordinarily I would have given in to only one of these forces, allowing it to take to it’s fullness but for some reason, fate stepped in and allowed me to gain perspective through a conversation with a friend who, out of the blue, I ran into. By the end of that conversation, I felt more grounded but yet not tied down, and yet I still was flying freely, rising up despite the threatening winds.
And from there this image came to my mind….that of a star leading me home, and a kite floating freely in the air yet safe and secure by powerful kite strings that can go where the wind blows.
You can't fly a kite unless you go against the wind and have a weight to keep it from turning a somersault. The same with man. No man will succeed unless he is ready to face and overcome difficulties and is prepared to assume responsibilities." William Boetcker
Take heed, I was warned by a voice in my head, to not tug on the strings too hard when the wind blows. Rather, find that balance of letting go and holding on, knowing that while it is necessary to go against the wind to be able to rise, there is that opposing energy that will always keep you rooted in the earth.
Yes, Ri, to grow you must first root, to rise you must first fall and soften, but most of you are where you ought to be, so just breathe and be
It’s All About Space
November 17th, 2011 Posted in Gratitude Journal, Note To Self, Project 365, Quote for the Day, Random Snapshots
Today in yoga it was all about space. And such a fitting theme it was for me, and as always, it spoke deeply to the very core of me. I guess this is why I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with the practice, especially with my two very lovely teachers who always seem to know exactly what to say at the right time for me. The stories and narratives they weave during the practice really make my mat time more than just a physical activity, but through it I believe I am finding my way to what is really most essential, and to the me that I really am.
Anyway, I digress. Like I was saying, today was all about space. As we started in savasana, my teacher asked us to reflect on the word space and to explore what that meant to us (again, I digress: it’s interesting, today in my clinpsy class I did the same thing…ask my students to do word associations and explore the latent and manifest meanings of these words ).
For me, I realized, space meant distance…a separation…alone-ness….and I guess I realized I didn’t like it much. Although I do recognize that I am the type of person who (thought many do not believe!) is quite introverted to the point that I wouldn’t mind living in a little bubble just by myself for the most part, there is that side of me that is uncomfortable with wide open space. Maybe that’s why I say I’d be fine living in a little bubble, enclosed in just enough space for myself and nothing else.
“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.”
Throughout the practice as we worked on twists and turns, I dawned on me that having too much empty space often makes me restless and uncomfortable, and thus I seek things to fill it up. It’s like being sure of what’s there and comfortable in what is available. I guess it has a lot to do with my fear of losing the familiar and discomfort with uncertainty. Open spaces with no boundaries and lots of distance, for me, can be so free and yet so dangerous because it offers no security, after all. With too much space and distance, I feel like I lose my place or I get lost in the vastness of things. Maybe that’s why I need that “bubble” or that enclosure so I have that sense of security that filling up spaces makes for me.
In my closing savasana, it hit me that even my disdain for dancing and my love for hooping has a lot to do with space, or the lack of bounds in space. With dancing, for example, you have this wide open space where you’re just free to be, free to explore and open to random spontaneity. With a hoop, you are confined and limited in this sure space. Sure it can be confining, but I do well with working around it. As I started to wake up again from that deep conscious slumber of pentacle, I realized that yes, this is indeed a pattern in my daily routine. Those who know me will agree when I say I can never leave my table clutter free. When it’s empty, I can’t seem to work. But when stuff is all around and I have barely enough room to move, I am most productive. But yeah, it never really lasts very long because the more the things get cluttered around, the less focus I have on what is essential.
I was reminded tonight that by not making space, you squeeze the life out of whatever is in that space, much like weeds in a flower bed. By not making space, be it for yourself, your body or even for others who share space with you, you do not allow for growth to happen. And eventually, it chokes and gets suffocated and stunted. And that hit home VERY hard to me this evening. And though I have not made amends with space yet, I do know better now. Maybe by opening up, letting the grip go a little bit and in its place using a gentle touch, there will be more room to breathe. And with that, many beautiful things can happen.
And when I got home this came up on my Facebook wall…
photo credits: Words & Design by Karen Salmansohn, best selling author, as posted on Positive Outlooks on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/positiveoutlooks)
Pop the bubble, Ri. It’s okay.
And so tonight I am grateful
♥ for the reminder of space
♥ to feel a little bit better and secure about things around me, even if I don’t see it and it seems so far from reach
♥ to have giggled like a little kid today, a lot. A WHOLE LOT.
♥ for Facebook wall posts and texts that always seem to have messages that pop out at the right moment
♥ to have found my way to this yogic path and for the wonderful people that shine a light for me as I explore and grow in this new space of mine. and yeah…maybe indeed it is time to go deeper down this path even more
gnyt
219/365
Earlier this morning I realized, there’s just about eight and a half weeks or so until the end of the year. A friend of mine pointed that out and that made me take stock of the year that was. It’s gone by so fast, I said. It’s been both very good and quite not-so-good, I went on to continue. She asked me why and I said it’s because it’s been quite frustrating to feel like the plans I had set out for at the start of the year don’t seem to be panning out. For one, I am not graduating by December like I had envisioned. Secondly, I didn’t learn French 
Lastly, the job I was really looking forward to didn’t work out. Then she goes, “but maybe it isn’t over yet. Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t meant for now, but some other time” .
The thing is, that’s just so hard to make peace with, right? After all, no matter how much you know in your head things happen for a reason, disappointment is always still a bitter pill to swallow.
Later on after brunch, we went to have coffee and I saw this sign:
And so today I was reminded to be patient. No matter how long, no matter how hard. All I can do is just take every moment and go with it knowing full well that despite disappointment, despite it not working out the way I want, it is meant to be.
As I end today I am grateful
♥ for random reminders from the Universe
♥ for random conversations
♥ for questions like how are you and how’s everything…it feels nice, after all, to be remembered
♥ for art projects
♥ for the year that was thus far.
202/365
Often times when I sit down in the quiet stillness of my room listening to my thoughts and reflecting on what I am grateful for for the day, I often am able to pinpoint prevalent feelings and emotions that were with me through the day. Granted it never is just one emotion, as people in general I think feel a myriad of things in a day, today I felt, well, for the lack of a better way of describing it, this and that, to say the least…
I felt a wee bit nervous and yet a whole lot excited for the teacher training workshop I am giving tomorrow.
I felt lazy and in physical pain and yet I was so raring to go
I felt sorta sad and nostalgic when I thought back to where I was a year ago today, but yet quite content because of new things that happened anyway.
I felt confused about things I want and the direction in which I wanna go, but yet strangely at peace even so
I felt this and that, like I said. But I realized today, though I felt this and that, I seemed to stay somewhere in the middle. And I guess that’s a good place to be in for now.
But the only clear thing for me is that today, while this and that came my way, I just felt quite grateful for so many things.
And so I end the day with a thank you.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” - Melodie Beattie
I am grateful
♥ that I have my job
♥ for opportunities to share bits and pieces of myself and opportunities to gain bits and pieces for myself as well
♥ for affirmations that came from the most unexpected sources
♥ for the reminder that while I feel like I am doing “nothing” (cognitive that is), my art, my writing and even my yoga are actually “somethings” that are important
♥ to be able to feel both this and that, I suppose
good night.
198/365
So yes, I felt this and that.
There are a million thoughts running through my head tonight and no matter how much I try to step on the brakes, it feels like it’s going a quadrillion miles an hour. On autopilot. Even earlier in yoga, I had trouble trying to quiet down the noise in my head. It’s just rambling and I can’t catch what it’s trying to say…it’s all tangled up like spaghetti and I can’t seem to shut it up and so I am rambling tonight. And talking in circles. And so it’s a bit hard to try and be still and allow my heart to be grateful.
And so I ramble and hope that maybe somehow the free flow of thoughts will allow for clarity to happen….but maybe I should do that on my journal. Or maybe I should just draw.
One thing I know for sure right about now is that I feel a wee bit lost and sad about the way things have unfolded…right now it just seems to feel so foreign to me, the fact that today is not only the complete opposite of today a year ago, but it seems to have gone in three hundred sixty degree turns twice over. It’s like, because I allowed myself to drop my guard and be complacent, everything I knew, I don’t anymore. Okay I’m rambling again. But yeah, I guess time really has a way of changing things, right? And all I can do is try to just let myself be okay with letting that be.
Forever is a long time and time has a way of changing things-Disney's The Fox and The Hound
Tonight I am grateful
♥ for what was, what is, and what will be.
♥ to be able to afford to take time outs from the daily grind
♥ for the day that passed
♥ that I am looking forward to tomorrow
♥ for a nice warm bed to sleep in tonight, even if it isn’t the new one yet.
gnyt.
196/365
Rhyme Nor Reason
October 22nd, 2011 Posted in Life Lessons, Note To Self, Project 365, Random Snapshots, Random Thoughts
For the past thirty days I have been trying to make sense of a whole lot of stuff. And try as I may, I could not seem to fathom how I got to where I was nor could I comprehend what happened along the way. It has been a crazy month, to say the least. The thesis, the stress, the start of a new term, the bitter taste of disappointment….all of this had taken a toll on me. So much so I found myself falling out of love with yoga (despite continuing to practice on a regular basis), taking countless road trips and chopping off my long, curly locks that I loved so much. I stopped wanting to do a lot of things and the only thing I looked forward to was sitting in my bed while sketching or writing on my journal.
I just could not find rhyme nor reason to the things going on with my life.
In the past week or so, I was slowly starting to make peace with it. Sense, not much, but it was with the realization that sometimes you just need to let things be that I started to feel like myself again. And though I’d find myself every now and then feeling sad about the things that I was missing and the confusion that was clouding my judgment, I was, in all sense of the word, starting to see clearly again.
Then last night on my way to yoga class, I suddenly got stuck in terrible, terrible traffic. I had just come back to Manila from a road trip to Tagaytay with a friend of mine (yes, the road trip that led to me suddenly deciding to buy a bed! haha…long story. when the bed gets here maybe I can write about it but for now I’ll leave it at that), and I was like ten minutes away from the studio when all of a sudden I found myself stuck in horrendous traffic. Suffice it to say I missed class. But while killing time before my dinner party, I saw this in a store:
Just before I saw that I was playing the “what if, should have, would have, could have, if only” game in my head. Then the Universe, I guess, decided to whack me in the head and say stop trying to decipher the confusion. Just be content in knowing that though you find no rhyme or reason in things, there is always, always a meaning to it. Oh, and this morning, my dear mentor decided to send me a text that had the same message, albeit worded slightly differently
And so tonight I am grateful
♥ to have managed to make it through this crazy day…my entire schedule and perfectly planned day went kaput by 8am but I managed to remind myself to CHOOSE to breathe and just let things be.
♥ for text messages
♥ to be reminded to stop searching for rhyme or reason in everything. Even if uncertainty and change may be uncomfortable, after all, there is a meaning in all of it.
♥ to have been able to take time out to enjoy a yoga practice
♥ for new pens to draw lots of nice craft boxes for christmas with
good night
193/365
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