Hmmmm…..this is an interesting question to answer. Lemme seee…..for one when I’m stressed I bite my nails. Another is that I tend to get all road rage-y in traffic, and when I get bored because of it, I text…or check my Facebook. I guess you could also say I often take out my feelings on the wrong person/people, and I’m quite hard to understand (in fact, I have come to the realization that maybe it isn’t relationships that are complicated, maybe it’s just me….but that’s another blog post altogether).
Tonight, however, I have come to realize that my worst habit is not being able to let go. What was that Dr. Teddy Altman said in Grey’s Anatomy, ” I’m not GI Jane, I’m attachment Barbie”.
Over dinner I was telling my friends how I tend to hold on to the familiar and perhaps more than just hold on, I cling to those who show me kindness and to memories of times of pure joy and happiness. I get attached. Too much at times. All too often, to be honest. Perhaps it’s because I’m afraid to not only lose them, but that maybe I won’t ever find my way back there. Maybe it’s also because of deeply rooted habits and patterns that I often become unaware of. Like I said, it’s the worst habit.
As always my yoga classes seem so timely because tonight was all about opening up and letting go. Releasing what we have learned and allowing for a new exploration, a new approach into something known. I guess in a way I realized that who we are and the issues and complications we come with, the scars of the past and all, they’ll all still be there no matter what, but one can always find a new way of looking at it and making it work. They’ll never really go away, I guess, no matter how hard I try because there will always be little triggers that will push those buttons. What can go away, however, is the power it has over me.
And so tonight I was made aware of how I must consciously make an effort to break that bad habit of mine. During yoga class my teacher reminded to flip over my hands, open them up to the sky, not just to let go and release, but to also receive for only then can you really be able to give.
As I open up and let go tonight, I end the day with a grateful heart, a full one at that
i am grateful too
♥ for wonderful times spent not just on my mat, but in that place i call my home away from home
♥ for an equally wonderful dinner with friends after class
♥ that the term is over! yeeeey!!!
♥ that my eye feels much better
♥ for those little moments in the day when my heart doesn’t hurt so bad and things feel normal again.