You have brought me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It truly has been a roller coaster ride of a year. I welcomed you with such excitement and with an heart filled with joy but I bid you farewell on a different note…one filled with hope, nonetheless.
Much as a little part of me would like to forget many things that you brought me, particularly this last quarter, I choose not to because it has lead me to where I’m supposed to be. Though I have been angry with you for some time now, I am grateful to you and I always will be. I choose not to bid you good riddance because you have also been quite good to me. You lead me to my greatest joy…my yogic path. I am deeply grateful for that. I started you out with the discovery of yin yoga. That was a beautiful moment in which I learned to embrace silence and discomfort, and I learned to surrender to it. From there I found the courage to allow myself to face challenges and follow through to routines that were seemingly impossible through ashtanga. I learned (or at least am trying to) open up my hands, go with the flow and release to let go with vinyasa. I dabbled into little things too, like hatha, Bikram and even a self-practice which allowed me to really see different sides of me that I never really knew existed. I end you with the gift of flight, brought to me by Antigravity Yoga.
Along the way, however, you taught me how to say goodbye a lot . I must admit these were the saddest and most difficult goodbyes ever — from my little “chickens” in the preschool, colleagues who have now gone, all the way to Teacher Ria and the Ria that I thought I was. I felt like I died a thousand deaths and each time was just as difficult as the other. You taught me how to break down walls, revise definitions, and rework things that perhaps no longer fit my life. Many, many doors were closed, many roads turned, and well, even some bridges had to be burnt. It has been hard to deal with all that in such a short amount of time, I must admit, but I guess I will catch up pretty soon. I am, after all, exactly where I am supposed to be.
While I have had to lay to rest many, many things this year, I opened up to much more and so I had the most wonderful hello’s as well. I have met so many wonderful people this year, some I probably wouldn’t have if not for my yoga journey. I have allowed myself to let people see my heart bare naked and in such vulnerability and that has allowed me to become a better me. I learned to love, I learned to dream, and most of all I learned to have faith. I also welcomed in to my life my crazy little Joe, many, many new friends old and new, and even the thesis that I have refused for the longest time. And yes, I have gotten to know myself in new and different ways, over and over again this year, each time always better than the last.
And so today I thank you, 2011, for all that was. And all that is. I have found some of my roots now. I have cut off too those branches that were not nourishing me. I am also more courageous now to take risks, to open to grace, and to just be.
This 2012 I will lead with the heart, come from a place of love, believe that all good things will allow and just free fall, knowing full well that not only is the earth there to catch me, but i have it in me as well
Here’s to 2012!